Picture the scene: way out in the wilderness where there is not a living soul within 200 miles, a tall tree crashes to the ground. The question is – does it make a sound? The vast majority of people I have asked are confident it makes a sound. All the falling trees so far have made a sound, how can this one be different? Others hesitate – is there a sound if there is nobody there to hear it? How does sound travel? Let’s look at it this way, – there is no sound, just sound waves. There is a major disturbance of the air, but that is all there is until the sound waves reach an ear, a receiver.
Here’s another thought – how do they know to start sending the music when you turn on your radio?
The point is that there is no communication without a receiver. My favourite quotation on communication is Peter Ducker’s, “If a communication is in line with beliefs, values and aspirations of the receiver it is powerful. If it is not in line with them, it may not be heard at all”
All communication creates change. An effective communication creates the change we want. So, the two essential elements in a significant communication are:
- Clarity over the change we want
- Tuning in to the reality our receiver(s) are living in. http://bit.ly/HS6hax
We live in an age where the physical barriers to communication are down. The emotional barriers still have to be addressed. When we do not get the response we are looking for to a communication we must avoid the trap of explaining things better! We’ll certainly be creating a disturbance in the air, perhaps not much else.
Seek to first to understand, then to be understood – Stephen R Covey
There are two parts to influence. First, influence is powerful. And second, it is subtle. You wouldn’t let someone push you off course, but you might let someone nudge you off course and not even realize it. – Jim Rohn
Explanations must be as simple as possible – and no simpler. – Albert Einstein
Never explain – your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it. – Stewart Steven
If you just communicate you can get by. But if you skillfully communicate, you can work miracles. – Jim Rohn
The more we elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate. - J. B. Priestley
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said. – Peter Drucker
Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life. – Brian Tracy
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break. – Earl Wilson
In the absence of receiving the response we are looking for and therefore falling into the trap of “explaining things better” what is the alternative ??
Good question, Tracey. The danger is we spell it out in increasingly simple terms so we reach the point where we notice that look on their face – “why is this person speaking to me as though I am an idiot!”
Before that point, back off and ask questions to find out how they see it. If we can get them to express their concern we can learn more by asking – “why is that so important to you?”. When ultimately stuck I use The Delta Question – “What’s the main difference between what I am suggesting and your what you want?” We have to try to get to motivations too – “Why can’t I get the changes I’m looking for?”
PG